So...as requested by a friend, I`m doing blogging again today. ( The inspiration for this blog was found months ago but as I need to take my SPM test, I delayed doing it ).
Ok...In this post I`m going to tell you a bit about Bolehland`s (a.k.a Malaysia) secret culture. Mysterious huh? Actually its not. In fact, everybody knows about it. Its a unique culture practiced only in Malaysia. Its known to everybody, practiced by many, and hated by drivers. Some smart people had already guessed the answer. Thats right, "The Rempits".
Before I continue furthur, please let me say this. After 6 months since I started driving on the road, I find that there are 3 things that I hate the most when I drive. [Note of warning, you better not let me see you on the road doing these things cause if you do, I swear I`ll ram you with my car so hard that you`ll lose your eyeballs. Mind you, I don`t mind ramming you with my little kelisa. Don`t try me]
1# idiotic drivers that does not know how to use their signal lights. Left turn right, right turn left or drive both lights on. Come on man, make up your mind.
2# brainless drivers that park their cars with half their car butts sticking out or sometimes, in the middle of the road. Hello, you are not the only person driving here.
And last but not least,
3# the Rempits.
Quote from uncyclopedia:
"While robbery and rape are found in other countries, Rempitism is unique to Malaysia, having the same status as major religions. More accurately, rempitism is a subreligion of Islam, certain Muslims follow the sacred doctrine of rempitism while others choose terrorism. Followers of Rempitism are known as Mat Rempits, or more commonly stupid-retarded-malay-kids. Worshippers gather late at night around (seemingly) deserted major roads and highways in the country, performing an ancient ritual of riding their 100cc motorbikes faster than the speed of light while doing seemingly impossible stunts such as having sex on the bike and steering with their asses. A scoreboard is kept by their girlfriends, known as Mat Minahs. Anyone riding into a drain, straight into an oncoming vehicle, into a tree or falls down is deducted 100 points, if you die, you lose the game. Those left standing at the break of dawn is awarded 900 points."
"Mat Rempits were formerly malay retards and idiots. However they evolved into sub-intelligent primates somewhere in 1971 and they ride bicycles in the circus. In 1982 they stopped growing tails, they moved on to 70cc motorbikes because they no longer have tails that might get burnt accidentally by the exhaust pipe.
Although they were still retarded during that time (and still are..) they somehow managed to look and learn the hollywood stunt mans. Through their understanding of friction, they created a super-low-cost-and-fuel-efficient method of riding the motorbikes. The Mat Rempit is Malaysia's super-low-cost-pastimefor Malay retards to show-off their biking skills on the traffic-ridden streets of Kuala Lumpur.
These kids are so desperate, they must do zig zag like a monkey, look backwards at full speed (very important tactic) and suddenly stop at roadside smoking, phone calling, etc. The crazier they drive, the sexier they look, it seems.
Mat Rempits also have been influenced by the western art and media culture, taking up terms such as Superman , Spiderman, Ironman, Cicakman and also Deadman. They start from young, when their dads give them their very first "kapcais" (100cc motorbikes).
However, they are also very patriotic too by waving Malaysian flags all around during Independence Dayshouting "Merdeka!", and then ending up under a van."
See how stupid is that. That thing`s gonna be our future PM !!? No wonder Bolehland is still remains Bolehland even after 53 years of independence. Its all because of this kind of people. Look, I can accept the fact that they are stupid. But its not ok when they start spreading their stupidity everywhere. Imagine driving on the road and suddenly a black piece of pork start knocking on your window saying "Ah moi, cantik o ah moi." Dude, in case you didn`t notice, I`ll spell it out for you. I AM A MALE. Not some hooker that you can pick up for RM200+ off the road. I don`t mind losing my lisence if i can kill a couple more of you guys.
But thats not all, in order to look more "cool", the Rempits even thought up of a couple of tricks to show their manliness. Heres a few example:
1st off, The Superman style. The style is performed by lying down horizontally on the bike and speeding at 150kmh. This method actually increased the speed by 20% and giving them +2 bonus when evading police roadblocks
2nd, The Sailboat method. This method is quite similar to the superman one. It is performed by standing on the seat of the bike and control the bike via your feet. This method harness the wind's energy and thus lowers fuel consumption and saving enough money to buy drugsand cigarettes, giving them -25% fuel consumption, +10% money saving, +3 bonus when there is a strong wind.
3rd, The Spiderman method. The pillion rider stands at the back of the seat. The driver gains -20% fuel consumption because the pillion harnesses the energy from the wind. The pillion rider gets high and starts swinging his hand like a propeller and thus giving the motorbike a +50% speed boost for 8 seconds. During this time, there is a 20% chance that the pillion rider will fall off the bike and suffer broken bones. This is probably the best way to enjoy rempiting if you do not have driving license.
4th, The "willy". To do this, the Rempits will have to carry the front wheels and ride only on the back wheel. With less surface touching the ground, they manage to lower the friction.
Cool? my ass.
Well, I think you`ve got the major idea of this "secret" culture now. I shall end my post today with a poem.
- Mat Rempit poem
Mat Rempit is damn guai lan,
he modifies a small kenderaan,
drive his awek to see cendawan,
and she will ask,”What do you want??”
he modifies a small kenderaan,
drive his awek to see cendawan,
and she will ask,”What do you want??”
“Your buah dada is so menggodakan.”
“And I don’t want to be your kawan.”
“I want to be your special one.”
“And fuck you everyday like no kawalan.”
“And I don’t want to be your kawan.”
“I want to be your special one.”
“And fuck you everyday like no kawalan.”
The awek has got no pilihan,
she has to take off all her pakaian,
and start the adult mia permainan,
that is how she lost her kesucian.
she has to take off all her pakaian,
and start the adult mia permainan,
that is how she lost her kesucian.
First time she feels a little kesakitan,
and screams out loud for pertolongan,
later she asks for mau tambahan,
hopes that Mat Rempit will teruskan.
and screams out loud for pertolongan,
later she asks for mau tambahan,
hopes that Mat Rempit will teruskan.
Mat Rempit says got perubahan,
he goes and gets a peralatan,
and calls all his kawan-kawan,
he goes and gets a peralatan,
and calls all his kawan-kawan,
says this will be a lot more fun.
Thank you. Dimissed.
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